From the Mouths of Coaches 2018

[JasonTX]

Regarding the new NCAA rule on knee pads.

From the coach:  "You mean to tell me I'm going to have to spend $10,000 on new pants?" 

[Etref]

 

[SCHSref]

Whistle and Flag by White Hat for DOG.  Balll was snapped before the RFP.

Coach: What is that for?
Me: DOG
Coach: The 25 second clock hasn't expired!
Me: Coach, it's a DOG if the ball is snapped before the RFP.
Coach: Waves both hands at me as to shoo me away

[Aussie-Zebra]

Last two minutes of the half, runner sweeps downfield to the right and up the sideline for a first down and then some. Runner is tackled and fumbles the ball. Team mate recovers.

Coach: "What about 4th down fumble rule in the last two minutes of the half ?"

 

[Ralph Damren]

This occurred many years ago but still brings a  grin upon recall :

In sub-varsity games, with pre game agreement of the coaches, the NFHS overtime procedure can be used.

(1) Me : "So, do you guys want to play overtime if needed?"

(2) Coach A : "Ayuh, 'spect so."

(3) Coach B : "Depends what the score is ."

(4) Me  : "Hum...I guess the score would be tied    ."

(5) Coach B: " In that case, ayuh 'spect so ,too >"

Team B lost by 30.....and the band played on.....

[ElvisLives]

This occurred many years ago but still brings a  grin upon recall :

In sub-varsity games, with pre game agreement of the coaches, the NFHS overtime procedure can be used.

(1) Me : "So, do you guys want to play overtime if needed?"

(2) Coach A : "Ayuh, 'spect so."

(3) Coach B : "Depends what the score is ."

(4) Me  : "Hum...I guess the score would be tied    ."

(5) Coach B: " In that case, ayuh 'spect so ,too >"

Team B lost by 30.....and the band played on.....

Now that's funny...I don't care who ya are.   

[SMATX]

I have a crew that works little league games on Saturdays.  One time we were working a lower division game, basically 3rd and 4th grade kids.  In that division, a coach can be on the field with the players.  Early in the 1st quarter, the visiting team went on it's first offensive possession.  The coach was bent over in the huddle with the kids and was about to call a play.  I leaned in and said, "Coach, you only have 8 players out here".  The coach raised up, looked to the sidelines and yelled "Give me one", then bent back down as a kid started onto the field.  When the player reached the huddle, I leaned in again, "Coach, you only have 9 players out here".  He raised up again and yelled in a frustrating tone, "Give me another one".  Uh, we haven't worked that team since then 

[stevegarbs]

My favorite related story at this sort of youth level is when you see there are 12 players, you remind the coach, and he turns to the team and says "Who's not supposed to be out here?"

[ElvisLives]

This is one I call, "I hope this guy moved on to flipping burgers, or something."

Working a JV game many moons ago.  In addition to the usual whining and complaining about us, this guy (JV head coach) was just relentless on his players.  Poor kids were just outmatched, and this clown was offering no real coaching assistance whatsoever.  Nothing positive to say, and not teaching them how to do anything better or correctly.  Just constant beratement.  Can't recall what it was that warranted this (fumble, poor punt, poor pass - who knows), this guys blasts one of his players yet again, and then follows it up with, "How can you do this to me?" 
That is permanently etched in my mind.  What a total egotistical jack---.  Those kids deserved better.  Much better.

Hope he is in chains bustin' rocks somewhere.

[BIG DON]

A few years back a real good friend of mine who is also on this board was working a JH game I think and for like 4 to 6 plays in a row had 10 men on the field with 4 always in the back field finally the coach asked him well who is not out there that is suppose to be? 

He look back at the sideline and said I don't know coach and then he said it number 65
the coach then proceeded to chew on number 65.

GJ remember that story? 

[yarnnelg]

My favorite has always been: Wide receiver comes out and says "Am I OK?"
I have always wanted to reply "I have no idea, what does your Mom say?"
But we are ever professional ....."Tell me if you are on the line of scrimmage or off, I will set you up at that point"

1:26 left on the clock. Hoe team just scored a 2 point conversion to go ahead by one point. Pass down the Visitor's sideline about 40 yards.
I am in front of the Home team bench.

Coach says "Ray! Did you see that?"
"What Coach?"
"That pass, wasn't that offensive pass interference?"
"I wasn't looking over there coach, I have receivers in my zone."
"I know what the problem is, All of you are wearing glasses! You can't see anything!"
I stepped back half a step and replied "Coach, you're wearing glasses too."
"Good god ! I'm as blind as you are!"
"Gave the seeing eye dog the night off tonight coach."

[yarnnelg]

We are working two Christian schools. One is playing varsity in their first year. Papers predict a score of 100-0 Tampa Catholic over Indian Rocks Baptist. Third quarter, score 84-0.

IRB coach asks "Ray? Have any suggestions?"

"You should be proud, clearly, these kids are practicing early for the Easter Production."

"What?"

"On every kickoff, your front line is working hard on their rendition of the parting of the Red Sea."

I had the 50 on kickoffs. The two kids closest to me would run past, avoiding getting hit, just to disappear into the sidelines. The two on the opposite side left the field too. The kid in the middle would drop to the ground and cover his head.

Coach asks "And exactly who is he?"

"Easy coach, that's Pharoah, water is closing in on him."

[Ralph Damren]

This occurred several years prior to 2018, but accolades to the coach.....

(1) Early in the game, an African-American running back is gang tackled;
(2) as the players unpile, I hear : " TAKE THAT ,YOU N----- !";
(3) I threw my flag  as high as I could and summoned B's coach to come out on the field;
(4) I explained what I had heard and asked him to address his team as I was unsure of guilty party;
(5) He did and then asked Bubba, Tugboat and Lefty to come with him;
(6) a few plays later, Tugboat and Lefty returned to play;
(7) at halftime ,I pulled him aside and thanked him for helping to control the situation;
(8) He responded : " It was easy ,I know my kids and know whose mouth that could have came from. I told them that we have a good chance of winning this game BUT you three will stay benched unless one confesses. Bubba raised his hand … .I sent Tugboat and Lefty back in and told Bubba he's out of next week,too, unless he apologizes to the black opponent in the handshake line - not to worry, ref, I'll be with him !"

Usually we are long gone during the handshake protocol, but our crew stayed and watched. We could see Bubba talking, the black kid then hugged him .

[/A LIFE LESSON WELL LEARNED 

NOTE ; The names have been change to protect the innocent / guiltyb]

[JasonTX]

[/A LIFE LESSON WELL LEARNED 

NOTE ; The names have been change to protect the innocent / guiltyb]

If you were in Texas I'd call BS on your claim of changing the names.  Thems real names round here. 

[Ralph Damren]

If you were in Texas I'd call BS on your claim of changing the names.  Thems real names round here. 

Never knew Bubba's real name, but he was #76 

[Ralph Damren]

This occurred several years prior to 2018, but accolades to the coach.....

(1) Early in the game, an African-American running back is gang tackled;
(2) as the players unpile, I hear : " TAKE THAT ,YOU N----- !";
(3) I threw my flag  as high as I could and summoned B's coach to come out on the field;
(4) I explained what I had heard and asked him to address his team as I was unsure of guilty party;
(5) He did and then asked Bubba, Tugboat and Lefty to come with him;
(6) a few plays later, Tugboat and Lefty returned to play;
(7) at halftime ,I pulled him aside and thanked him for helping to control the situation;
(8) He responded : " It was easy ,I know my kids and know whose mouth that could have came from. I told them that we have a good chance of winning this game BUT you three will stay benched unless one confesses. Bubba raised his hand … .I sent Tugboat and Lefty back in and told Bubba he's out of next week,too, unless he apologizes to the black opponent in the handshake line - not to worry, ref, I'll be with him !"

Usually we are long gone during the handshake protocol, but our crew stayed and watched. We could see Bubba talking, the black kid then hugged him .

[/A LIFE LESSON WELL LEARNED 

NOTE ; The names have been change to protect the innocent / guiltyb]

[/FOR REVIEW BY GENERAL DISCUSSIONb]

[Matt]

I actually had a teammate the coaches nicknamed Tugboat. The coaches gave a lot of the guys nicknames, many which are not repeatable here.

[JasonTX]

I think Ralph needs to write one of them books that offer different names for newborn babies.  Gotta love ole Tugboat.  Seen him mentioned before on here.