From the mouths of players

[yarnnelg]

Working at Umpire. # 46 Blue says "Ref! That "N" is holding me!" "Excuse me?" "That "N" is holding me!" "Use numbers please!" "Number 52 is holding me!" Offense comes to the LOS, "Number 52, # 46 says you're holding watch your hands!" "That "N" is holding me!" I blow the whistle, call for Captains, decide that's not enough. Call for Coaches. Coaches arrive "OK # 46 what did you tell me?" "I said # 52 is holding me" "Before I asked that you use numbers please" Looks at the ground kicks dirt "Come on, nobody gets mad trust me" "I said  that "N" is holding me!"  I look at the coaches and say "If I use that word what would happen to me?" "Probably get your butt kicked before you get to the car" "If I can't use the word, you can't use the word. We all talk the same OK? Do we agree coaches?" "Absolutely!" "Players OK?" "OK!" "Let's play some football"

Coaches came by after the game and thanked me. "Most of these kids have no Dads at home or Dads they rarely see. You handled them as if they were men and they understood your intent was good. Our guys trust you and thought it was funny the white guy trying to help them" "Helped when I asked about getting my butt kicked didn't it?" "They won't stop talking about it."

[backjudge79]

First play of the game #44 defense says to other team "I going to F your mom, I going to F your mom, and I going to F your mom." 

[mostripes]

I think upon hearing that, #44 might have had some free time to work towards his objective as that is flagrant enough I think he earned the right to not spend anymore time on the field.

[The Roamin' Umpire]

First play of the game #44 defense says to other team "I going to F your mom, I going to F your mom, and I going to F your mom." 

I think upon hearing that, #44 might have had some free time to work towards his objective as that is flagrant enough I think he earned the right to not spend anymore time on the field.

Yup, he's done.

[bama_stripes]

9-10 YO Peewee game this past Saturday.  #34 takes the hand- :!#off, runs around my end, gains about 3 yards.

As he's getting up from the tackle, he looks at me & says:
"Hey, ref, they're holding me!"       

[ncwingman]

9-10 YO Peewee game this past Saturday.  #34 takes the hand- :!#off, runs around my end, gains about 3 yards.

As he's getting up from the tackle, he looks at me & says:
"Hey, ref, they're holding me!"       

I mean... he's not *wrong*

It's just not a foul for holding.

[Aussie-Zebra]

 QB drops back to pass and throws, DB breaks through the O line and drives the QB 5 yards back and into the ground.  for RTP.
DB pleads with the Referee - "I barely touched him Ref"  - he grabbed me (grabs hold of his jersey at front) "and pulled me down. " 

[AlUpstateNY]

It's NEVER a good idea to "play" with grenades, and "N" is a grenade waiting to go off.  1st mention of it, player should be advised, "I (you) don't want to hear that word again, if you have a problem give me a number.  Use it again, and you're done for the day". 

If that player is dumb enough to test you, and use it again, HE'S GONE (no excuses, no exceptions).

If that word is repeated on the field, and blows up, it's going to be YOUR face it blows up in.

If necessary to repeat that EXACT message to the Head Coach (Administrator, Superintendent of Schools and anyone else), as discreetly as possible.

[SCHSref]

1st punt of the game

Player:I'm taking it to the house
Me: what?
Player: I'm taking it to the house
Me: Hope not mine...I live 45 miles away
Player: huh?

He gained 5 yds on the return

[SMATX]

We were working a little league game one Saturday and one of the teams were called the 'Eagles'.  There was a time out and as the R in a three man crew, (we work double wings), I stepped up to the ball and started writing down the timeout information.  The players are basically 10 & 11 at this level.  I noticed the nose guard was standing there in front of me chewing on his mouth piece.  He had a red eagle tattoo on his cheek.  I looked at him and said, "Wow, that's cool, I have never seen a chicken tattoo before".  He spit out his mouth piece quickly and said, "It is an Eagle tattoo".  I said, "No, I don't think so, it looks like a chicken to me".  My LJ was about 10 yards away, I hollered for him to come over and as jogged up, I asked, 'Ray, is that a chicken or eagle tattoo', catching on that I was messing with the kid, Ray said, "It looks like a chicken tattoo to me".  My little 10 year old chubby nose guard, puffed up and raised his voice, "It is an eagle!".  I shook my head and said, "I've been watching you, you are a good football player but I tell you what, you are one tough son of a gun to come out here and play football wearing a chicken tattoo".  The time out ended and play resumed shortly.  He really got after that center on the next few plays, the center probably wondered what had made him so mad!   

[Ralph Damren]

Different sport, but still a chuckle  . Some time last century I was at the plate in a Little League tourney. After a pitching change ,during warmups, I approached the mound to give the new pitcher the situation :

[/me : "PITCH, YOU'VE GOT THE BASES LOADED, NO OUTS AND THE BATTER HAS 2-0"

[/PITCHER : "UMP, THAT REALLY SUCKS!!!"

[/ I tried not to laugh, but I did.....