“You guys are killing us”!!!

[Kleiny]

SETTING: several years ago, tournament game (early round), rainy, team A is winning by three or four possessions...

Team B Coach: you guys are killing us!
Crew Member (who will remain anonymous😁): no, sir...your defensive coordinator is killing you.


SETTING: youth league game, typical angry parents (dad) drifting a little too close to the field...

Angry Dad: you’re absolutely terrible!  what a joke!
Official (again...anonymous😃): sir, I’d give you one of my extra “reffing shirts” so you could come out here and help us with your expert and unbiased knowledge of the game, BUT ALL OF MY SHIRTS ARE UNFORTUNATELY ONLY MENS SIZES.


SETTING: semipro football, a player in street clothes begins harassing the officials (much to the chagrin of several teammates), he’s clearly a joke (even in the eyes of his coaches)...

Player: man, that’s bullsh#t!  I could do better than you blindfolded!
Official (yep, anonymous😁): well, as soon as you sober up then come on out here and get to work!

[Etref]

SETTING

Small school varsity game
Coach (who I knew from previous games) “that was the worst call I have ever seen”

Me: “ I know coach, I would have run a draw play”

Coach- dies laughing and just walks off!

[yarnnelg]

District Rivals. One point difference. 54 seconds on the clock. Pass down the opposite sideline. My Head Coach "Ray did you that?" "See what coach?" "You didn't see that play?" "I had receivers in my zone coach." "I know what's wrong, it just dawned on me! You all wear glasses, blind as bats, everyone of you." I took a step back ..... "Coach you wear glasses too!" "OMG, I'm as blind as the rest of you!" "Seeing Eye Dogs are in the locker room, Coach." 

[Ralph Damren]

Sometimes, off the field, coaches aren't always screamers  . Several years ago, while Christmas shopping with my wife, we ran into a screamer coach and his wife. After a chat that involved football, the wives both said : "Why don't you guys go have a beer, we've got some shopping to do!  " Our discussion went sorta' like this.......

COACH : "I'm buying  !"
ME : " NO, that could be considered a bribe  ,I'll buy  ."
COACH : " You know, for every mistake you guys  make, we make ten  . "
ME : AYUH, if you say so ,coach, "
COACH : " Difference being. we remind you of yours  "
ME : "Ayuh, 'spect so  "
COACH : "When did you start officiating ? "
ME : " In Maine, 1972...."
COACH : "WOW, that was the year I started coaching, too  !"

........fast forward to pre-season coaches' clinic ....

COACH : " Here's a 1972 rule book. My athletic director gave it to me and told me to read it. I didn't and told my AD not to bother buying any more, as that's the job of those guys in stripes  . I felt where you read it , you otta' have it  ."
ME: "AYUH,  thanks. "

........forward to season opener..I had his game......

HE WAS STILL A SCREAMER  (4-MAN COACHING CREW)

MORALE OF STORY :COACHES ARE HUMANS, TOO......UNTIL THE OPENING KICKOFF

    

[JasonTX]

Hey Ralph, for us southerners, how exactly do you pronounce, "Ayuh" ? That's been bugging me a while.   

[Ralph Damren]

Hey Ralph, for us southerners, how exactly do you pronounce, "Ayuh" ? That's been bugging me a while.   

AYUH is collocialism for YES and is pronounced : A - uh. I hope that may help y'all ,

[yarnnelg]

I had passed out. Semi Pro game. Actually just on the edge of going out. Popped up right away. But still not right. Heart condition. So I stand on the sidelines waiting for the first half to end. In the locker room we go. Team trainer walking in with us. White Hat asked her to stay outside...I informed him that she had been assigned to watch my every move. I laid on the floor as the crew went over the first half. They got up to leave. I decided to stay on the floor a while longer. The trainer stays in her chair.

I decided I did a lot better up than down. Stood up, then informed the trainer "I'm going to take a shower and you are not invited to come in with me."

I've avoided describing her until now. She is as big around as she is tall.

Terrified, she rushes out then sends a male assistant to stand guard. I'm under water when he calls out "Are you OK?" I shot back "If she wasn't invited in, you definitely don't qualify."
"I think I'll wait out here!"
"I think that's best."

Got dried off, feeling better. Civilian clothes on. Walk out, go back on the sideline. Ball Boy gets sick and I finish the game as the ball boy. White says "Next time you go down, you are to work the sideline as the ball boy. That was perfect." I replied "Next time I go down in Orlando, I'll ask the trainer to send a cheerleader to assist in the shower. I forgot those girls are from Baby Dolls, the local nude strip club. They are used to working with dirty old men."

[Ralph Damren]

Sometimes, off the field, coaches aren't always screamers  . Several years ago, while Christmas shopping with my wife, we ran into a screamer coach and his wife. After a chat that involved football, the wives both said : "Why don't you guys go have a beer, we've got some shopping to do!  " Our discussion went sorta' like this.......

COACH : "I'm buying  !"
ME : " NO, that could be considered a bribe  ,I'll buy  ."
COACH : " You know, for every mistake you guys  make, we make ten  . "
ME : AYUH, if you say so ,coach, "
COACH : " Difference being. we remind you of yours  "
ME : "Ayuh, 'spect so  "
COACH : "When did you start officiating ? "
ME : " In Maine, 1972...."
COACH : "WOW, that was the year I started coaching, too  !"

........fast forward to pre-season coaches' clinic ....

COACH : " Here's a 1972 rule book. My athletic director gave it to me and told me to read it. I didn't and told my AD not to bother buying any more, as that's the job of those guys in stripes  . I felt where you read it , you otta' have it  ."
ME: "AYUH,  thanks. "

........forward to season opener..I had his game......

HE WAS STILL A SCREAMER  (4-MAN COACHING CREW)

MORALE OF STORY :COACHES ARE HUMANS, TOO......UNTIL THE OPENING KICKOFF

 

[/A CHRISTMAS STORY  IFELT YOU GUYS MIGHT ENJOY !! - NOTE: NOT ALL CHRISTMAS STORIES HAVE HAPPY ENDINGS  :)color]

[AlUpstateNY]

FWIW, I carry a couple of our Association business cards in my uniform shirt pocket as potential recruitment aids.  Unfortunately, I've used them a lot more
 for fans/coaches telling me how much I've missed, than seriously interested prospects, with a simple "like Marines, we're always looking for good men" response. Thankfully, that card, always ends further comment.