Author Topic: The Rules of Oklahoma  (Read 4209 times)

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jjseikel

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The Rules of Oklahoma
« on: February 21, 2011, 08:59:06 PM »
The percentages were getting way out of whack with those Texas boys, so here's a topic to help change the order in the universe.


THE RULES OF OKLAHOMA ARE AS FOLLOWS:


1. Pull your droopy-BUTT pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Turn your cap around straight ... your head isn't crooked.

3. Let's get this straight; it's called a 'dirt road' No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way. I drive a pickup truck because I want to.

4. They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why they smell funny to you. But they smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-40 & I-35 go east & west and north & south - - use em.

5. So you have a $60,000 car ... we're impressed. We have $150,000 harvesters that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

6. So every person in rural Oklahoma waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8. Yeah, we eat taters & gravy, beans & biscuits, and homemade pie. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available down at Jim's bait shop.

9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the Saturday before Thanksgiving.

10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.

11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak or chicken. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices - salt, pepper, and ketchup. Oh, yeah ... We don't care what you folks in Chicago call that stuff you eat .... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI !!

13. You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice.

14. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long blonde hair.

15. Sooners and Cowboys football are as important here as your Giants and the Jets and more fun to watch.

16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards .... it spooks the fish.

17. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't music anyway. We don't want to hear it any more than we want to see your boxers. (Refer back to #1.)

18. By the way ... if you want to talk to God in Oklahoma, it's a local call.


From Oklahoma with Love. Have a great day!

txmustang68

  • Guest
Re: The Rules of Oklahoma
« Reply #1 on: February 22, 2011, 10:29:48 AM »
Hey - don't tell em 35 goes south - we don't want em here!