From the Mouths of Coaches 2020

[BIG DON]

Had a coach try to convince me that an illegal formation should have been a dead ball foul.
Say What?
Coach. You said we had (5) men in the backfield that should be a dead ball foul!
Me. Coach (5) men in the backfield foul can not occur before the snap.
Coach. You knew it was going to be a foul yall should have shut it down before the snap.

Me. No coach. It is not a foul until your team snaps the ball. If we did call a foul before your team; would have snapped, the ball then you would be griping that they would have shifted into a legal formation.

Coach. You may be right but, it would have not; cost us a touchdown.

Me. Speechless as I slap my forehead. 

[dammitbobby]

6 man coach a few weeks ago, his team is on defense:  THEY HAVE 5 MEN ON THE LINE, THEY CAN'T DO THAT!!!

 

[dammitbobby]

A week of two ago, Team A won toss and deferred, they kicked off to B.  At end of halftime Team A's head coach comes up to me and says no, that's wrong, we should be kicking to them!

Me:  Well, if you really want to, I don't think they'll complain...  he quickly changed his tune

[yarnnelg]

Time running out .... Coach says "Ray, did you see that?" ON the opposite sideline I reply "What coach?" silence

He then steps up and says "I figured it out."
"Figured out what?"
"All of you wear glasses, can't see a damned thing." momentary silence. I step back
"Coach, you wear glasses too."
"Good Lord! I'm as blind as you guys are!"
"Then how can you see something on the other sideline? By the way, my seeing eye dog is asleep in the locker room."

[JasonTX]

A TD is scored making it 41 to 0 in the 3rd Qtr.  I am S and move into the middle next to the U for the Try for a FG attempt.  Me and the U flag team B for Disconcerting Signals.  After the enforcement, team A kicks and scores the 1 point.  I get back to the sideline and the coach was asking what had happened.  I explained.  He then asked, "Why haven't you called it on them?".   My reply, "Coach, it's kinda hard for me to flag them when you haven't lined up for a Try yet."  He laughed and thanked me for reminding him.

[RMR]

Punt: K punts from their own 40  and the ball hits K27 at R's 20, the B beanbags it and the ball rolls forward to R's 30. 1/10 for R at R30, right?

K's coach calls a timeout and wants a conference with me.

K's coach: "Y'all are wrong, that ball should be at the 20."

Me: "No, the ball is correctly spotted."

K's coach: "The ball was dead when we touched it at the 20. There's a beanbag there."

Me: "Yes, there is a beanbag there to mark the spot of first touching but the ball became dead at the 30."

K's coach: "No, it's dead where we touched it."

Me: "The ball is dead where you recovered it, at the 30."

K's coach: "Well, if it's not dead at the 20 why did he beanbag it?"

Me: "Because that's the spot of first touching."

K's coach: "Y'all need to learn the rules."

Me: "OK."

RFP

This is the same coach who last year, in a playoff game, informed me that breaking the huddle with 12 is a foul - I explained to him that it's not and he assured me that it is. At that point I told him that in the NCAA it's a foul but in our game it's not. He informed me that I need to worry about our rules and not the NCAA's. I told him I was well versed in both, but thanked him for the tip.