I've got a head problem, folks, and I don't know how to solve it.
Something's missing from my prepwork. Part of it is that my knee is still screwed from an on-field injury in October.
I can't get into shape. But I'm also not eating right, not even able to try to work out. I think part of it is that we have a physical for college ball next month, and I know I will fail.
Even if I were in the best shape of my life, I would fail. I can't run a mile. Never been able to. Even the year I biked 240 km for a clinic (bicycled), I couldn't run long distances. Now, overweight and with my buggered knee? Not going to happen. My college career is, effectively, over. And I doubt that if I have to run a mile to qualify, that I ever will get back. I think that's sucked my soul.
But I can't even bother to try to get in shape. I have a bowflex - spent $800 on it - but I gained a pound in a week and stopped using it.
My head doesn't give a damn. And I have precious little time to solve what's in my noggin.
At some points in our lives, we have to accept things that are not what we want, but simply haven't the means or wherewithal to do what is required to make them what we want. That doesn't mean we are bad or have failed, just that circumstances have changed, and it is time to focus our time and energy on other higher priorities. I don't know your total situation, but, I often think about what it will be like when that time comes for me. After 38 years, it is not that far away. I have a devoted and unbelievably supportive wife that will love to have me around more on weekends. I have a son finishing college who will begin his life adventure in the not-to-distant future, of which I would like to be a big part. I look forward to the day he takes a wife and they gift us with grandchildren upon whom we can dote. I have a business that is doing well, but needs my attention more and more.
Long ago, I decided that when I step off the field - voluntarily or not - I'll be through with football officiating. I will put it aside (not behind), and let it be a badge of honor that I will be proud to display and reminisce about, but I won't be despondent. There is so much more out there, so many things of far higher priority. I will sorely miss my enormous circle of friends that has developed to date, and is yet growing. But I'll take comfort in being able to say I can call such outstanding people my 'friends,' and that they would return that expression.
Football officiating ain't life. It is a big part of our lives, have no doubt. But life will go on after we exit the stage, and we just need to focus attention on new challenges and opportunities.
If you haven't the ability to make officiating what you want, then say a fond farewell and go do something even better. You will lose the respect of no one. Hold your head high and go hug a loved one.